Running faster, gaining confidence and getting lost (and a name change)!

First of all, I decided to change the name of my blog. I'm a slow runner. I embrace being slow, I'm ok with it.

But - I'm getting faster.

I ran a mile in 10 minutes and 30 seconds. Normally I run in the 12 minute range. I was thrilled. Let me start at the beginning.

My husband @scotbritton was going to run the San Jose Rock and Roll half marathon. I was not, I'm doing the LA half at the end of the month and I thought it was too close together for me. During my training for the half, I was scheduled to do an approximate 6 mile run that weekend. At first I thought I would just run around the area of the hotel or use the hotel gym. During the time I had these thoughts Rock and Roll started to promote their horribly named "mini marathon" it was approximately 5 miles and was at the same time as the half. I debated running it - I hate the name of it. There is nothing wrong calling it a 5 mile "fun run" or something similar. But, at the last minute I decided to run it, figured it would give me something to do during the time my husband was running. I started in corral 3 (our placement was based on our 5K time) and my husband was in corral 11, we decided to see how long it would take him to "catch" me. My first mile was 10:30, I imagine it was because I was with the faster runners, but it felt GREAT. I wasn't getting tired, I felt like I could go further at that pace, but decided that I needed to slow down. I didn't want to hurt myself. At about 2.5 miles when I was walking, my husband "caught" me and passed me and he was off. When I got to the 5K point my time was in the 37 minute range. I had a new PR for a 5K!!! I finished the mini. It was less then 5 miles....but just barely, but even with that my 5 mile time would have been my best time. I was happy. I felt confident and knew I can do it.

I've started to feel more confident with my running, I feel like I am finally seeing progress and feeling great about it.

This past weekend called for my longest distance so far. 10 miles. I normally wake up early, go to the beach and run on the bike path before it gets too crowded. I knew that there was construction one way on the bike path so decided to go the other way towards Marina Del Rey and towards Venice Beach Boardwalk - a route that I hadn't ran before. I had a GREAT pace going in the Marina and towards the board walk. I felt confident. I knew I could do it. I thought of turning around at 4 miles out, but decided I wanted to make it to the Boardwalk. I got to the Boardwalk, and then remembered WHY I DON'T GO TO THE BOARDWALK! There are a lot of homeless people wondering on it in the morning, there were cops, but I just didn't feel safe. After taking a quick picture I turned around and headed back. Did you see the part where I said I hadn't ran that route before? I missed the street I need to turn down. Ended up lost in the streets of the Marina, trying to get to the bike path. I asked 2 people for directions - neither were helpful. Tried to figure out the maps on my phones - I'm bad with directions. After about 30-45 minutes of wandering around seeing if the streets were going to get me out of my little adventure, I found people who were headed to the bike path and followed them. By the time I got to the bike path I was at 10 miles and running out of water. But I wasn't done, my directional mishap added almost 1.5 miles to my route. While back on the bike path, I encountered a triathlon  Thankfully only the running portion, but I did all I could to stay out of their way. I got back to my car almost 3 hours after I started my adventurous morning, in a way it was good I went the different route because the triathlon running course was right along the path I normally run.

My run yesterday gave me confidence, even though I got lost, I am confident enough in my ability to run my upcoming half. I am hoping to finish in under 3 hours. I don't care if it's 2:59:59, I want to finish in under 3. The next 3 weekends are filling with running events - next weekend my husband and I are doing the Run For Your Lives Zombie 5K I'm a little scared, but know that I will have fun. I'm excited to see the people dressed as zombies. Then the following weekend is the Rock and Roll LA Half Marathon where I am dressing up as Batman. Then the first weekend in November, a few girls I went to high school with and I (and hopefully my sister in law) are doing the Dirty Girl Mud Run. It's a lot coming up, but I'm excited.


Normally I take a picture post training run -  this was all I could do:

Depression and Running

Depression is something that most people don't talk about, it's something that we like to pretend doesn't happen. But it does. The statistics are out there for depression, it's not hard to find. Over the past few weeks I've found myself getting more and more depressed. I feel the darkness trying to pull me in, but I am fighting it with every ounce of my being that I can. Last year I met with a doctor who wanted to put me on medication, I declined. I have my own personal reasons for not wishing to take anti-depressants, which I don't feel the need to share. I know that they work wonderfully for some people, but I would just prefer not to take them. One thing that he mentioned was that with my running, it could possibly take the place of and be better then any medication out there. After that I threw myself in to running events, and now that this year is almost over and I am not where I want to be with running - I feel like a failure. I feel like I should be more then I am. Deep down I KNOW that I am awesome. That even my friends doubt me. Hell, I even doubt myself.

After every run that I wasn't as fast as I wanted to be, or I wasn't able to go as far. I want to give up. I wonder what's the point? I keep trying but it doesn't change. This is my self doubt, this is my depression, it grabs on to me and makes me take notice that it's there and doesn't want to go away. It makes me question my self, it makes me feel like everything I am doing is pointless. Running - pointless, School - pointless, Work - pointless, Life - pointless. ( At this point I feel like I should say, I am NOT going to hurt myself in any way - I do not have any thoughts towards that). When I get this way all I want to do is lay in bed, and hide from the world. But I can't. I have to face the world and hope I can make it through the tough days - which I do.

This past Monday was World Suicide Prevention Day, suicide is never the answer, if you feel it is PLEASE call someone. Call anyone. One of women bloggers/writers I follow on twitter (@thebloggess) suffers from depression as well. One of my favorite posts by her on the subject is here. The Fight Goes On . One thing she mentions is - DEPRESSION LIES. The thoughts of pointlessness, the thoughts of failure, THOSE ARE LIES. That is the darkness that is pulling you in. Don't listen to it. 

One thing the doctor I met with told me was that the benefits of running will be physical as well as emotional. At first I thought he was a little crazy, how could there be emotional benefits to running? The more I run, the more I am able to work through, the more I am able to get past. I leave it out on the run. I contemplate life changes on the runs (and shared these with my husband after a few runs to gather his opinion). There have been times when I've been running and started crying, I didn't even realize it. Running has become a release for me. Beyond the depression, beyond the self doubts and the darkness, I've found a light that I am trying to grasp on to with both hands, I'm trying my hardest to keep it with me. I've found something that helps me keep going. Most people won't understand, if you don't suffer from depression it's hard to understand, there isn't a way that I can make you understand either.

I've written and deleted this post a few times, talking about depression is hard. Not talking about it is even harder.

10 days later

I'm in a very movie centric mood right now. All I can think about with my title is the movie 28 days later, which I haven't seen but totally want to. And Forrest Gump (random I know!) .

I'm still running. But not like Forrest did, I stop. I get up in the morning, do my two miles (I'm adding more miles starting August 1st) then am glad that I did it. Funny, isn't it? I never thought I'd be glad to run. The only bad thing is I live in a not so great area of Los Angeles, and no one bugs me on my run (I did have two stray cats follow me from my front yard down the block yesterday though!), I decided to (re)start carrying my pepper spray with me, since I pass homeless people and run past a few sketchy alleys, maybe I should have my phone too. I'm a bit of a klutz so I have to make sure that it's always locked.

My running is still slow, but my pace is constant. My miles are with in seconds of each other, it's really weird and funny. 

It's funny the people who give me the motivation to keep going - they probably don't even know that they are. The interesting part, is I've never met them. I only talk to them on twitter, or see things that they retweet. One is Lisa - @runlikeacoyote - she lives in so cal....I'm hoping to one day meet her. She's crazy awesome. She runs in the morning then bikes to work. This morning she ran 12 miles BEFORE WORK and then rode her bike to work....oh and she's training for the 100 mile Javelina Jundred in October. 100 miles. Running. at once. She's freakin awesome. Another person is @Running_Hutch, who also lives in so cal, and we've "talked" in passing at a race (she encouraged me when I was struggling and she was going the other way), she started running with team in training, and is now training for the nuun team hood to coast relay this summer. I promise I'm not a stalker, these are just two of the women that I think are awesome that give ME motivation to keep going, that I can keep pushing and that I can reach my running goals. 

Starting over again

This morning I started training for my half marathon at the end of October. Yes, I realize it's July 9th, but to reach my goals I need to start now. I need to be prepared. I need to train. I also need sleep. I did not want to get out of bed this morning, I'm hoping with my gradual increase in running that falling (and staying asleep) will become a lot easier. I am also trying to eat healthier, and cut back on the sweets and alcohol during the week. I need to start making healthy desserts, sweets are my downfall. 


I am 5 pounds away from my first goal weight. Not my final goal weight, but my first. Hopefully by the time I reach my birthday on the 30th (I'll be turning 30) I'll be past my first goal weight and closer to my 2nd. I realize that I will never been a tiny, skinny person. My genetic make up doesn't work that way. I come from a line of large women. But that doesn't mean that I can't work hard and be healthy. 


We don't have any running events this summer, which is nice, it gets hot. I want to sign up for the  Awesome 80s Run , but we will see. It's a 3 day weekend and we have my stepsons - need to try to convince everyone that we should do it as a family event....we will see. But I am looking forward to my training runs at the beach on the weekends. Maybe I'll throw in a trail or two when the hubby goes mountain biking? 

Am I a runner?

My twitter bio says that I am a wannabe runner. Why is that? I've done half marathons where I've ran and walked the whole time....but I finished. Is it because I am not able to run as fast/long as I want that I don't consider myself a runner?


runner : noun

1.a person, animal, or thing that runs, especially as a racer.

It's a blessing and a curse

I married someone that is a runner, and worse of all he runs for fun. Which in my mind is a blessing and a curse. You see, he is who got me in to running. I'd be waiting for him on the sidelines of events and think, "Hey! That's something I can do!". He is also the person I blame & curse during the event for getting me in the damn situation in the first place! And worst of all, it's contagious. I should mention his youngest brother also like to run, his middle brother doesn't, he doesn't have the same build as the two of them. To date, since I started running, my sister in law, soon to be sister in law, family friend, and best friend have signed up to or have done running events, and even signed up for more than one! I blame my husband for this, of course in a loving way.

He doesn't have the same mental hangups that I do about running, or the physical (BLISTERS!) issues that I do when I run. But what he does do is support me, and encourage me, and push me to do my best, in his own annoying way. You see, marrying a spouse that runs or does any sort of physical activity is a curse, because you will eventually start to like that activity, and start participating. Since I've met my husband I've done, 5K's, a marathon, two half marathons, and by the end of January 2013 I will have done 3 more half marathons.

The more things change....

The more they stay the same.

I ran the LA Rock and Roll. I won't really say I RAN - but I finished. I think my time was around 3:20....NOT under 3 hours like I wanted. But, the bright side is there is always room for improvement.

Since then I've signed up for the Pasadena Rock N Roll half. Which is in a month. I have not been running as I should, so I am a little worried. I could blame it on a million things, but it all comes down to being lazy. I changed jobs, so my hours changed and if I want to run I have to do it in the morning before work, when it's dark and cold. My other option? Not running. Doesn't sound like a good option to me!

I actually did a 5K this past weekend, while my husband ran the LA 13.1, I didn't do it under 40 minutes like I wanted to, but I improved my time by 3 minutes from the previous year. I did a work out DVD this morning, will hopefully run tomorrow morning (late night tonight), and alternate my workouts until my half marathon. Improvement is what I am looking for. Improvement is what I need.